Spring into New Friendships

By Rori Boyce

New Friendships

It has been almost a week since the first official day of spring, but I still spent my morning curled under a blanket near the woodstove hoping the latest storm would head out to sea rather than dump another foot of snow. Needless to say, I am more eager for the first spring day to arrive now that the season has officially begun. While I am tired of being cold, weary of woodstove monitoring duties, and honestly sick of snow, what I am really craving about that first spring day is the hope of new beginnings and fresh starts, and the potential to make some new friendships.

If you have never lived through a bitterly cold winter, you are missing out on something very special. You see, you cannot truly appreciate the promise and hope of spring until you have survived the stark desolation of a bitterly cold, snow-filled Northern winter. After months of huddling indoors and hibernating like bears, the first signs of spring, like the tiny buds on the trees and the crocuses poking up through the snow, are like an invitation to rejoin the world. It is as if nature herself is beckoning us to throw off our blankets, pull on our boots, and make something happen.

Spring is a time for renewal, for clearing out the old to make room for the new, for new starts and major growth, and it is the perfect time to make some new friends. Whether you spent the last few months hibernating or feel like your social life could use some sprucing, let the promise of fresh starts inspire you to see what kind of new relationships develop. This month, more than most any other month of the year, provides a wealth of opportunities to get out of the house and meet some new people.

Here are some ideas for how you can use the turning of the season to help you get off the couch and get to work on creating some new beginnings.

Follow Your Green Thumb
If there is one thing I look forward to about spring it is being able to get back into my garden and although gardening may seem like a solitary pursuit, it doesn’t have to be. If gardening is one of your hobbies, let your green thumb lead the way. To start, look around for a local gardening club or Meet-up that you can join. Attending a class, meeting, or event centered on gardening, permaculture, or even homesteading is a great way to meet new people with whom you already share a common interest. There are generally lots of “gardening” events happening this month because it is time for swapping seeds and planting seedlings in many parts of the country.

Slip into Your Sneakers
Another great way to meet new people is to join a group that runs or walks together. Start by checking to see if there are any groups where you work who walk or run at lunch. You can also check local community centers or YMCAs to find a group of others who are looking for running or walking buddies.

Hit the Trails
If gardening and running aren’t your things, how about looking for a group that plans hiking or biking trips together? This is another great way to celebrate spring and meet new people. You don’t have to be an expert hiker or a backwoods biker to join these kinds of groups and you may be surprised at how receptive people can be when you put yourself out there and try something new.

Make Your Own Group
If you can’t find a group in your area that gardens or runs or hikes or kayaks or coupons or reads together, spring is the perfect time to start a group of your own. It doesn’t matter what you like to do, odds are there is someone else who likes doing it too and there is a good chance that a friendship might develop if you try doing it together.

Not sure where to start? SocialJane.com is the perfect way to gauge interest and invite others to join you in your new adventure. Simply search for other women in your area and scan their profiles to find anyone who has indicated an interest in the hobby or activity you want to pursue. Send them a message to see if they are interested in getting together with other women who like to knit, run, cook, ride horses, or whatever common interest you share. Before you know it, you may have a great group of women sharing their passions, building new bonds, and becoming good friends.

Old Friends, New Beginnings
Spring is also a time to reconnect with old friends in new ways. If you are joining a group, you might invite someone you already know to join with you. If you are starting a group, asking an old friend to help can bring you closer. And if you just can’t remember the last time you spent some quality time with your inner circle, let the promise of spring inspire you to reach out, reconnect, and give your friendships a fresh start.

How to Lose a Friend in 10 Days

By Janis Kupferer

how to lose a friend
Want to lose a friend quickly? Then become closed-lipped, un-supportive, un-interested, and hard to find. Opposite behaviors will win you a great circle of loving friends.

Remember the popular movie starting (ahem - Academy awarding-winning!) Mathew McConaughey and Kate Hudson, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days? Well, here is my advice for great ways to kill off a friendship licked-split. Do these things, and you are sure to shrink your calling circle in no time flat. Do the opposite, and you are sure to boast a season full of great invitations and fun times with women whom you truly love and enjoy.


Don’t Share:
One of the greatest things about friendship is the sharing that takes place between women. Women share to learn about new interests and ideas, they share to get help and advice with their challenges, and they share because they are truly excited about some wonderful development in their life. And it is through this sharing that we learn about our friends, develop a history, and form the intimacy that enhances our lives in oh so many wonderful ways.

But don’t share, don’t allow intimacy, become closed-lipped and you soon find that your friends follow suit.

Building a rapport or becoming intimately connected with a friend requires disclosure, and disclosure in equal measure. If one friend openly discusses her life worries and doesn’t get a similar response, she’ll start to think that you not only don’t trust her, but that you also don’t respect her enough to seek her counsel and ear.

Friends share because they care, are interested, trust and respect each other.


Be Un-Supportive:
The definition of support is to bear weight, hold up, or to give assistance, and most would agree that this definition could also be assigned to the word friend.

Whether it is with a household move, while trying to lose weight, when seeking a new job, or mending a broken heart, we look to our friends to help us, to help us bear our weights, and to give us any and all reasonable assistance they can.

Friends are whom you call on when you need help, so if a friend calls on you and you don’t respond, and make it a habit of not responding, pretty soon she’ll stop calling on you. And stop considering you a friend.


Change Your Values and Interests:
Aristotle taught us, among other things, that one of the key components of friendship is a mutual sharing of interests and values.

You like wind surfing? Great, I do too. So, you are now in the running for becoming a friend. Do you also believe in the Golden Rule and that one should care for small children, animals and older folks? If so, you and I are probably going to be friends.

Nine times out of 10 we meet people due to our interests. We make them friends because we share the same values.

For example, we work in a particular industry because we find it fascinating, and thus we find a large pool of potential “friendship” candidates at the office, a place where folks interested in a particular industry gather. When we discover that a co-worker also is passionate about literacy, is generally upbeat and happy, and holds similar political or social beliefs, well then a friendship is sure to blossom.

But when no interests are shared, nor basic values, then there isn’t much from which a friendship can grow, so it won’t.


Don’t Be Available:
Although most friendships don’t require a large amount of time, friendships do require some time—mostly in the form of frequency and consistency. In order to foster and maintain a friendship, two parties have to spend time together, frequently and consistently. It doesn’t have to be face-to-face (many a great friendship exists as pen-pals), but you do have to give of your time.

See “time” is where you share with each other. “Time” is where you support each other. “Time” is where you enjoy your mutual interests and influence values. If you don’t have time for a friend, than you simply don’t have a friend.

***

Of course I was being quip when I suggested that these are the steps to take if you’d like to lose a friend. Instead, I hope you understand that when you do engage in these behaviors (and these behaviors do come about because of busy schedules, changed priorities, and otherwise), that a potential outcome can be the deterioration of a wanted and cherished friendship.

So show-up, be supportive, engage and share, and enjoy some really terrific friendships. And if you are looking to make some new friends, well then join us on SocialJane.com—it makes the process of finding and forming new friendship quick and easy.




Top 4 Myths About Female Friendships

By Rori Boyce

There are 4 truly damaging myths about friendships that are holding us women back from creating and enjoying these most fulfilling relationships. Get over them and get on with finding meaningful ones in your own life.

If you were an alien sitting out in space and the only information you had about us Earthlings was from television and movies, your idea of female friendship would look something like this:

  1. Every woman has either a BFF that she has been friends with since childhood/high school/college or a tight-knit group of quirky, well-dressed besties, and these kinds of friendships last forever.
  2. Regardless of which of those options women have, they talk to their friends several times every day.
  3. While the women themselves might be complicated, their friendships are not.
  4. If a woman’s life doesn’t look like this, it is because there is something fundamentally wrong with her.

Does your life look like this? Mine certainly doesn’t, and while I am sure that there are some women who genuinely have this kind of experience and these kinds of friendships, I am fairly sure those women are the exception, rather than the rule.

But how often do we stop to think about the validity of that portrayal of what female friendships looks like? Unfortunately, most of us don’t. We simply accept that this is what it is “supposed” to be like and that since our lives don’t look like this, there is something essentially wrong with us.

In truth, this perfect picture of how female friendship is supposed to work is really just an interpretation or representation of some of today’s most pervasive myths about female friendship. Buying into these myths and adopting this representation of friendship as the holy grail of how things are supposed to be is dangerous, for us and for our daughters. It creates an unrealistic and overly romanticized idea of what it means to have a friend and to be a friend. It sets yet another unachievable standard that most of us will never be able to live up to, and in truth, probably don’t actually want. And most importantly, believing these myths about friendship sets us up to miss out on the actual friendships that are available to us, simply because they don’t live up to the myth.
Let’s break that cycle by breaking down this idealized version of friendship into the myths that sustain it and get real about what our friendships are really like.

Myth #1 BFFs and Besties
The idea that two or more people can be “Best Friends Forever” may be one of the most damaging myths our society embraces. Don’t get me wrong, I know people who have found this kind of friendship and it can be real and when it is, it is awesome. But it is not a requirement in order to have a fulfilling life. The reason it is damaging is that it creates this idea that “real” friendships last for life and minimizes the significant impact more transient relationships can have on your life.

In truth, buying into the idea that you and your friend(s) will grow and change in ways that are always complementary and that will never lead you in different directions is unrealistic and may actually cost you your friendship in the end. In reality, friends come and go over the course of our lives and we are likely to have several people at different stages who feel like a best friend. Treasure each friendship for what it is, right now, rather than assuming it will always be there.

Myth #2 - Being Friends Means Being in Constant Contact (Facebook Doesn’t Count)
Honestly, I haven’t had this kind of friendship since I was in college and it was much easier back then because we all lived in the same dorm, took the same classes, and did the same thing on Friday night. And yet, I have found myself questioning how “good” my friendships are because I don’t have this kind of constant daily contact with the friends I would consider the closest. Unfortunately, even though it is not the reality many of us experience on a daily basis, the idea that this is what we should be striving for, that this is what it is supposed to be like, persists.

In truth, some days I don’t even have anything interesting to share with my husband, who lives in the same house, shares most aspects of my life, and does the same thing I do on Friday night. It is okay to have as much or as little contact as each individual friendship requires. Not talking every day or even every week is not a sign that you aren’t good friends; it is a sign that you are grown women with a busy life.

Myth #3 - Real Friendship are Easy to Sustain
The older I have grown, the truer this has become. There was a time that friendships just “were” and I didn’t have to work too hard to sustain them … it was called high school and had everything to do with proximity. But there is a reason so many people have turned to online dating to find a mate, in this world, meeting new people and establishing new relationships of any kind is hard work. Friendships are no different than romantic relationships in this regard. Unfortunately, many of us continue to believe that friendship happens organically, and that all you need is love to make a marriage work.

In truth, if you want to meet new people and make new friends, you are going to have to work to do so. And, if you want to keep the friendships you have and the connections you have already made, that is going to take work too.

Myth #4 – If Your Friendships Don’t Look Like This, There is Something Wrong with You
This is the most damaging myth of all because it simply isn’t true. We all have different needs and are at different stages in our life which means the things we need from others, including the kind of friendships we need, differs too.

In truth, some of us love having lots of friends, and some of us are more comfortable with one or two. All that really matters is that you have the type of friendships that work for you and that those friendships bring happiness into your life.

The Top 5 Books About Women’s Friendships

By Janis Kupferer

It’s written about everyday in major women’s magazines and blog postings, its discussed on daytime television endlessly, and has spawned many dozen books. Female friendship. Here are our favorite books to help you to make these relationships some of your most amazing.

The topics include how to make them, how to keep them and how to let them go. But the undercurrent of all these writings is the knowledge that friendships among women are some of the most important, most beneficial, and most gratifying relationships a gal can have.


1. When Friendship Hurts: How to Deal with Friends Who Betray, Abandon, or Wound You

One of the first books to fully cover the topic of toxic friendships (published in 2002), Sociologist Dr. Jan Yager details 21 of the most negative friendships personalities (ever known a “Rival?”). Yager offers information on how to manage friendships and end friendships, and reminds us of why we strive so hard to make our female friendships last.

I love the advice Yager gives in her interview with Diane Sawyer on how to end a friendship. She says, “Its important to let the friend know that it’s not her, it’s the way the two of you interact.”


2. The Twisted Sisterhood: Unraveling the Dark Legacy of Female Friendships

After a difficult experience in her college sorority, author Kelly Valen had pretty much sworn off women friends, although her interest in how women interact never waned. That curiosity drove Valen to interviewed over 3,000 women to gain first-hand knowledge of just how other women were feeling about friendships with women. The unpleasant results were that although most women absolutely counted on support from at least one terrific friend, the vast majority had absolutely had negative experiences with other women, experiences that tainted their desire to reach out and form other female friendships.

In her article for SocialJane.com, Valen says that her goal with the book was “to increase awareness about the profound influence we females often have on one another (for better but sometimes, sadly, for worse) and about the hidden, lingering hurts and struggles that result from our inhumanity. I’ve hoped to prompt reflection, trigger new dialogues, and maybe, just maybe, inspire a little social change” Valen says.


3. The Friendship Crisis: Finding, Making, and Keeping Friends When You're Not a Kid Anymore

I am right onboard with author Marla Paul’s suggestion that many, many women suffer from difficulty in making new friends and keeping friends as our lives take their inevitable twists and turns. A relocation, a change in marital status, a retirement can radically alter our lives, and in turn, our friendships.

Paul offers advice on ways to re-enter and succeed at the friendship game, offering experts from her own life experience with the same issue—needing to enhance her circle of friends, and finding it hard to do so as an adult.

Longtime columnist for the Chicago Tribune writing about women’s friendship, Paul’s advise is expert.


4. The Friends We Keep: A Woman's Quest for the Soul of Friendship

Sarah Zacharias Davis’ interest in women’s friendships and her belief as to their enormous benefit is sincere and heartwarming. Davis writes from the her own experiences, but also pulls greatly from other noteworthy sources in her attempt to sort out the various personalities of friendships and the stages through which they move.

One reviewer on Goodreads commented,”The Friends We Keep discusses all forms of friendship from seasonal friendship, soul friendship, unplanned friendship and distanced friendship. Friendship is lined up against fictional references, movie references and biblical imagery. The Friends We Keep is beautifully written. Even the cover is beautiful.”


5. What Did I Do Wrong?: What to Do When You Don't Know Why the Friendship Is Over

Like most of the authors above, Liz Pryor writes from personal experience, flavoring her book with the empathy that comes from having been both hurt and baffled when a friendship failed. Liz instructs us on how to take the awkwardness out of the “what happened to our friendship” conversation that so many of us feel after a friendship ends for unknown reasons.

The ultimate goal of Pryor’s book is to help women feel better when a friendship ends unexpectedly. Secondarily, her goal is to help us find ways to improve or fix the tattered relationship—with a main tool being an open and honest letter to your friend.

My Job Went Virtual and I'm Lonely

By Kate Bradley

No commute? No heels or hose? Yes, please! An at-home gig can be a dream come true, but beware: Working in your pj's also means no water-cooler chats, coworker lunches, or after-work drinks. Read on for ways to combat the loneliness of telecommuting and stay sane and productive.


If you've been working remotely for a while now, you've probably figured out how to maximize your productivity and actually “go to work.” Designating and respecting a work space, taking regular breaks, and keeping normal business hours can all help you to feel connected to the rest of the business world. But even maintaining a schedule and environment similar to your old ones can't make up for what many women find to be a gnawing loneliness. Regular physical interaction with real, live humans is irreplaceable; when you work from home, you get the perks of telecommuting as well as the difficulties of finding and nurturing social outlets.

So, what's a girl to do? Just as you have to be “self-disciplined and focused"to be a successful work-at-home employee, so too must you make socializing something to which you give real effort. Be proactive, be creative, and don't be afraid to try something completely new.

Don't Work at Home
Not to worry – you don't need to haul out your pumps and suits! Consider finding and utilizing a co-working center; for just a small fee, you can set up your workspace in one of these collaborative facilities and take advantage of high-speed internet, business services, office machines, and, of course, other people. Working alongside other telecommuters can help you forge new relationships while still maintaining your work-at-home status. Check your state's telecommuter resources by clicking “here”.

Give Back
Those couple of hours you're not spending in traffic every day? Donate them. Find a cause you're passionate about – tutoring children, rescuing animals, visiting the elderly in nursing homes – and volunteer where you're needed. You get to meet new people, feel great about yourself, and help an important cause. Everyone wins.

Use the Internet
In the digital age, it's not just for online dating anymore. Websites like SocialJane.com offer women “a quick and easy way” to find and make new girlfriends online. Other options to try include city-specific message boards, meetup-organizing websites, and online events calendars to find interesting people, places, and happenings near you.

Use Your Kids and/or Pets
What's the old joke about men using cute puppies to attract women? Make it work for you! Take your pooch to a dog park where dog owners are generally delighted to talk to fellow canine-loving humans. Got kids? Get to know their friends' parents. If they participate in any extra-curriculars, hit the bleachers on a mission. Put down your smartphone and chat up anyone who looks interesting.

Shape Up
Whatever your particular brand of fitness – team sports, jogging, or aerobics – you can find a group of ladies who'll enthusiastically do it with you. Check local gyms for classes and contact your area recreation department to sign up for softball or volleyball. Want a running buddy? Of course SocialJane.com is a great place to look, but so are other sites like SportPartner.com which specializes in connecting members to other active folks.

Learn or Teach
Most cities have a community college or rec center that offers free or low-cost classes on everything from foreign languages to pottery, as well as business-oriented classes on computer software and graphic design. If you already have a popular skill, offer to teach it. Community colleges generally pay per credit hour, so you can earn some extra cash and potentially make some new friends among the faculty or students.

Working at home can be a wonderful perk, but making time for yourself and nurturing your mental and physical health are paramount. If you're feeling lonely, don't ignore it. Step away from your computer every day at a reasonable hour and work on creating a social life that enjoy love and look forward to.

How to Pick-Up a Girl (Friend)!

By Rori Boyce

Need a few more women friends, but not sure how to meet them. We've got a few pick-up lines that are sure to impress even the most stalwart of male predators, and win some new gal pals in the process.


When we think of pick-up lines, we generally think of the cheesy lines that guys use when attempting to get the attention of a woman ("If I said you had a pretty body .... "). The most common pick-up lines are at best generally giggle-worth, and certainly not something we want someone to use on us or something we would ever consider using on another person, especially someone we wanted for a friend.

At their very core, however, a 'pick-up" line is merely an icebreaker. It is the way we reach out to people we don’t know in order to start a conversation and determine if there is any chemistry (romantic or friendly) that could lead to a connection. When you think about it that way, it makes perfect sense that we would use pick-up lines in pursuit of new friendships even more often than in pursuing romantic relationships. After all, most of us only have one romantic partner at a time but we are better off when we have a handful of friends.

So, if you are looking for ways to reach out and let other women know you might be their next best friend, where do you start? I thought it would be fun to try some of the more traditional pick-up lines on for size and see if I could come up with some winning ways to use them to make new friends.
  
Is this Seat Taken?
Asking if you can share space is probably the most generic of openings, and the easiest way for women to strike up small talk. Whether in a crowded Starbucks or at the parents table at dance class, asking to share a table with another woman is an easy way to open the door to a more in-depth conversation. Since the whole point is to get to know someone better in order to determine if you are friendship compatible, creating the opportunity for conversation is key and making this simple request gives you an opening that won’t make you seem strange or awkward.

Assuming that the answer is yes (and if it’s not you already have your answer anyway), you will need to use body language and non-verbal cues to determine if the other gal is receptive to more than just temporarily sharing space.

Do You Come Here Often?
Regular interaction is a necessary element to maintaining a friendship; you need to see, visit, and communication with a friend consistently to keep the friendship in tact. Asking a gal who seems a good friendship match if she is a regular at a coffee shop or yoga class is a terrific way to begin a conversation. It invites her  offer advice, an opinion, or to ask for yours, tells you if you'll have the opportunity to run into her again, and allows you both to experience the event together (another necessary element of friendship.

Again, this tactic creates space for conversation but by adding the element of shared experience, it increases the chances of making a connection and the likelihood of making a new friend.

Don’t You Find this Place ... ?
This is another way to open up by sharing a little bit of yourself, namely your opinion of whatever location or activity you are both sharing. You can take this one either positive or negative and if you are trying to connect with someone on a real level, you are better off basing that direction on your actual opinion rather than trying to get a read on how they feel about it. Remember that real friendships are based on sincerity, trust, and mutual respect, so starting off my saying you love this class when you are actually miserable isn’t likely to lead you anywhere even if it is what the other person wants to hear.

Your  _____ is Beautiful!
Nothing gets a woman's attention better than a sincere compliment, one about her lovely scarf, haircut or even her toned legs. We agree, this one can come off really well or (honestly) a little creepy and which reaction you get has as much to do with the woman you are talking to as it does to what you actually say.

When you tell a woman that you like her clothing, you are telling her two things: one that you appreciate her good taste, and that you two share a common sense of style. Most women would be hard pressed not to respond positively when you reach out like this, and they may even share their sources for great highlights or expert alterations.


The bottom-line with pick-up lines is to remember that your goal is to create the opportunity for conversation so that you can determine if there is the potential for a connection. As long as you keep that in mind, you should have no trouble finding the right words when you find someone new.

Be sincere, be perceptive to body-language, and be friendly without being overly personal, and you'll score new friendships where ever you go.


Fix It: My Friend is a Bragging Betty

By Rori Boyce

While it certainly is okay for your friends to share their accomplishments, when one friend shares and shares and shares her achievements, you can have a problem. Here is how to fix it.

Odds are that there is someone in your life like my friend Mary. On paper, she is the kind of person everyone would want as a friend. She is sweet, supportive, fun to be around, and she always remembers my birthday. But almost every time I interact with Mary I find myself rolling my eyes at some point and simply the sight of her name popping up in my Facebook feed is always a sign that I need to get back to doing something more productive. So, what is it about this sweet, supportive friend that virtually guarantees all her calls will be sent straight to voicemail? She is a bragging Betty.

If you took her at her word, everything in Mary’s life is just about as perfect as possible.

She has smart, overachieving, perfectly behaved children. I know this because at least once a day she is posting something on Facebook about one of her children’s latest achievements. I understand being a proud parent; I have wonderful, amazing kids too. However, I can assure you that even during their best week my wonderful and amazing children have never had daily happenings that were significant enough to inspire me to tell everyone—I have ever met—in my entire life—about them.

Mary also has the perfect job, the perfect husband, and the perfect house. If you doubt me, spend 20 minutes with her and she will tell you all about it. All of this bragging and boasting would be enough to drive a wedge into any friendship, but recently Mary has taken to bragging about something new that is forcing that wedge deeper and threatening the very foundation of our friendship.

You see, Mary has started working out and losing weight. Now these are both wonderful, positive developments that I can be happy about because Mary is my friend and I care about her. Well, I would like to feel that way because that is the kind of friend I want to be. Unfortunately, I am struggling to be supportive because I feel like I am being assaulted on a daily basis by all of her weight loss and work out accomplishments.

Every day they greet me on social media. “Mary ran 2.5 miles!” “Mary has lost .45 pounds since her last weigh-in!” “Mary has lost a total of 23.45 pounds!” And since the electronic assault wasn’t enough, I have to hear about all of her accomplishments in person too.

I want to be happy for her because I know this is a big deal in her life. She has been trying to find a weight loss program that works for her for years. I want to smile and be genuinely supportive of each pound she loses and celebrate with her each time she finds the time and energy to work out because I know how hard that is with a house and a husband and a job and kids. I want to, but I just can’t and I needed to understand why, so I went in search of a little psychology to help me understand why Mary’s need to brag makes me not want to be her friend.

What I found was very interesting because it showed me that fixing the problem was going to take both of us, since we were both contributing to its existence. On one hand, Mary is violating the generally accepted social norms about sharing information. It seems that most of us want to share our successes but we don’t want to seem like that that is what we are doing. And while we all like hearing about other people’s accomplishments, we don’t like to hear about them too often or too loudly.

On the other hand, I am responding negatively because each time Mary brags, it brings out my own insecurities and damages our friendship by making me doubt her honesty. You see, no one’s life is as great as she makes hers sound and no one wants to be friends with someone who makes them feel bad about themselves by lying about their life.

What Can I Do?
While it may be an uncomfortable conversation to have, if I really want to remain friends with Mary I will have to find a way to talk to her about how her incessant bragging is breaking our friendship. If I don’t, my need to avoid hearing about all the wonderful things in her life, and thereby avoiding her, will eventually end our friendship anyway.

This conversation will require me to dig deep and look beyond what is bothering me so that I can find a little empathy for my friend. To fix this problem, I need to understand what is making Mary paint such a publicly perfect picture of her life. Oftentimes, when people brag about their lives it is because they have some self-confidence issues of their own or to put up a positive front meant to hide all the other things that are going horribly wrong. It might also be that Mary is in fact a self-centered, narcissistic braggart at which point I will need to decide if it is time for our friendship to end.

But no matter what I decide to do about Mary, there is also work to do on myself. I want to be the type of person who can be happy for my friends when good things are happening for them. This means I need to focus a little more on boosting my own self esteem so that I can be the kind of friend I would like to have.


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